A few months earlier, I came throughout the book Why Am I Afrassist To Tell You Who I Am? by John Powell. At the time I was relooking some indevelopment on interaction for a presentation I was preparing for. The book aligned with a number of understandings I had actually learnt formerly about relationships and wanted to share some of them with you in this write-up.
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As human beings, we are either closed or open up to the experiences of life. When we are closed we try to defend ourselves and our true self by wearing masks, playing games or duties and deny what is truly going on. When we are open, we are willing to learn, open up ourselves up and truly endure what is happening by being fragile.
So why execute we choose one to be open or closed? Maybe it has actually something to do with the complying with quote…
“I am afrassist to tell you that I am, bereason, if I tell you who I am, you might not choose that I am, and also it’s all that I have” (p.4).
3 Key Insights from Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?
Before sharing these insights, I think it is worth remembering that each of us have needs and deserve to frequently acquire prompted by our vulnerabilities once these needs are not being met or acknowledged.
“There is no resolved, true and also real perboy inside of you and also me, precisely because being a perboy necessarily means ending up being a perboy, being in process. If I am anypoint as a person, it is what I think, judge, feel, value, honour, esteem, love, hate, fear, desire, hope for, believe in and also am committed to.
These are the things that define my perboy, and they are constantly in procedure, in the process of readjust. Unmuch less my mind and also heart are hopelessly barricaded, all these points that define me as a perboy are forever changing” (p.2 and 3).
The 3 key insights I wanted to share with you from the book are as adheres to –1. The Five Levels of Communication
In the book, Powell discusses five levels of communication. You deserve to either use these levels of interaction to be your true self or “hide out”. The 5 levels are –Level Five: Cliche Conversation –
At this level of interaction, shpermit conversations takes area and also questions frequently include –
“How are you?, What have you been up too? or What’s happening via the weather?”
Tright here is very bit sharing about the perkid at all and everyone continues to be safe in the conversation. When conversation remains on this level people can come to be lonely, bored and also disassociated via the perchild.Level Four: Reports Facts About the Other
On the fourth level, tright here is bit actual communication. People talk about various other world and also reveal practically nothing around themselves. As Powell writes –
“We offer nothing of ourselves and invite nothing from others in rerevolve.”Level Three: My Ideas and also Judgements
On this level tright here starts to be some communication. Individuals start to communicate their concepts, opinions and also decisions, however communication stays guarded.Level Two: My Feelings (emotions) ‘Gut Level’
Communication on this level describes what is going on inside of you – exactly how you feel about a situation, endure or person. Feelings are owned by the individual and sharing them to another person can be quite complicated. Powell claims –
“Most of us feel that others will not toleprice such emotional honesty in communication. We would certainly rather defend our dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others, and, having rationalised our phoniness into the aristocracy, we work out for superficial relationships.” (p.35).Level One: Peak Communication
Deep and also authentic relationships occur at this level. Peak communication experiences take place once you are emotionally open and hocolony via the other perkid. According to Powell –
“In our huguy condition, this have the right to never before be a irreversible endure. These have to and will certainly be, however, moments when encounter attains perfect interaction. At these times the 2 perboy will certainly feel an practically perfect and also common empathy.” (p.36).2. Dealing via Emovements When Communicating With Other People
When we are communicating at level one, it is necessary to remember to be mindful of our emovements and not be taken over by them. Eactivities share indevelopment around individual demands and also relationships with others. –
“Whatever my keys are, remember as soon as I entrust them to you, they are part of me” (p. 51).
According to Powell, a healthy means to address eactivities is –Become aware of your emotions – e.g. what are you feeling?Admit your eactivity – e.g. exactly how solid is the emotion?Investigate your eactivity – e.g. wbelow did the emovement come from?Report your emotion – e.g. what are the facts around your emotion?Integprice your eactivity – e.g. with conscious awareness, what is the next step?
“To tell you my THOUGHTS is to find myself in a category. To tell you my FEELINGS is to tell you around me.” (p. 55).3. The Roles or Gamings We Play
On my adventure of gaining to know myself, tright here have actually had many type of situations wright here I felt extremely uncomfortable speaking up and/or being that I truly am in some of my relationships. Over the years, I realised I was tackled different roles and also observed this was impacting my life (including my relationships).
Yes tright here have been legitimate reasons from the previous for taking on these functions, but in the end, I required to unravel and get to the bottom of the reasons and also take action, so I might simply be myself. I prefer the adhering to quote from the book that says –
“These games have actually one thing in prevalent, no matter how various they may seem; they mask and distort the fact about the one most essential thing that I can share with you: myself. I need to ask myself: Which of these games carry out I play? What am I seeking? What am I hiding? What am I trying to win?”
In the back of the book Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?, Powell shares 37 games and also functions human being play. The games and roles human being play depend on the routine people are running within themselves. A couple of the ones I could relate to were –All Heart – I have actually had actually to learn to come in to alignment through my head and also heart and also not let my heart take over.The Competitor – thriving up as an athlete, I was very entangled in this duty and also currently have learnt to take on the other side of “winning” and let go of the outcome.
What are the ones you have the right to relate to? Remember – there are another 32 in the book via lots of explanations!
Personally, I am grateful I took the time to view my own fads or functions and also will certainly proceed to learn to make aware choices as soon as situations aincrease and not pretfinish they are not happening.
I hope this write-up has provided you some insights in to why civilization are afrhelp to tell you that they are! If you have any concerns please let me know of pop over to our facebook page right here.
If you are all set to reinsurance claim your courage and take the next step in the direction of freedom and opening your heart, why not join our Toolkit?
Powell, J. (1999). Why Am I Afrhelp To Tell You Who I Am?.
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London, Great Britain: Zondervan.