Want to duplicate the hilarity of The Office Sitcom in your very own office. Try these quotes on for size.

The Dundies

Jim: What an excellent year for the Dundies: we acquired to see Ping, we learned Michael"s true feelings for Ryan - which was poignant - and also we heard Michael change the lyrics to a variety of classic songs which, for me, has destroyed them for life.

Michael: This is the "Don"t Go In After Me" award. It"s for Kevin, for the moment I used the bathroom after him, and also it was really smelly.

Michael: A lot of the human being right here don"t gain trophies exceptionally often, choose Meridith or Kevin. I mean who"s gonna provide Kevin an award, Dunkin" Donuts?

Oscar: The Dundies are kind of prefer a kid"s birthday party. And you go. And there"s really nopoint for you to execute tbelow. But the kid"s having a really great time, so you"re sort of tbelow. That"s type of prefer what it"s favor.

Michael: Please carry out not drink and drive, because you can hit a bump and spill your drink.

Read the episode recap for The Office The Dundies

Sexual Harassment

Toby: Technically, I am in human resources and Dwight was asking about human anatomy. Uhmm.. I"m simply sad that the public school device failed him so badly.

Michael: In the future, once I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will certainly no longer ever carry out any kind of of those things.

You are watching: Michael scott im gonna kill myself

Jim: Does that include "that"s what she said"? Michael: Uh, yes. Jim: Wow, that"s really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you constantly left me satisfied and smiling. Michael: That"s what she said!

Jim: Hey, what has actually two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This Guy!

Michael: Toby is in HR. Which, technically, means he works for corporate. So he"s really not a component of our family. Also he"s divorced. So he"s really not a component of his family.

Michael: I am king of forwards. It"s just how I choose to carry out organization. Everybody joking approximately. We"re choose Friends. I am Chandler and Joey. And Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer.

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Office Olympics

Dwight: (describing his partnership through Michael) We"re choose one of those classical famous groups. He"s prefer Mozart and also I"m like Mozart"s frifinish. No, I"m prefer Butch Cassidy and also Michael is favor Mozart. You attempt and also hurt Mozart, you"re gonna acquire a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Michael: I"m a very early bird... And, I"m a night owl. So I"m wise, and, I have actually worms... Um...

Kevin: We call it Hate Ball. Jim: Why? Kevin: Since Angela hates it so much.

Dwight: A 30-year mortgage at Michael"s age basically indicates he"s buying a coffin. Now if I were buying my coffin, I would certainly acquire one with thicker walls... so you couldn"t hear the other dead people.

Angela: I speak to it Pampong. I count exactly how many type of times Jim gets as much as go to reception to talk to you. Pam: We"re friends. Angela: Apparently.

Michael: Wright here are all the warm people? I was told that tbelow would certainly be all these attractive singles. And as much as I deserve to tell, I"m the ideal looking person here.

Dwight: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a 9-bedroom farmresidence. I have actually my own crossbow selection. It’s the perfect instance for me, although two bathrooms would certainly have been nice. We simply have the one...and also it"s under the porch.

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The Fire

Michael: I did not go to business college. You recognize who else didn"t go to service school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went best from high school to the NBA so . . . so, it"s not the same thing at all.

Michael: (after running out of the office bereason of the fire alarm) Yes, I was the first one out, and yes, I"ve heard woguys and also children initially, however we carry out not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workarea by legislation, so I let them out initially, I have actually a lawsuit on my hands.

Dwight: Inquiry, is tbelow fire lumber on the island? Jim: I guess. Dwight: Then I would bring an ax, no books. Jim: It hregarding be a book Dwight. Dwight: Fine, Physician"s Workdesk Reference... Jim: Nice, smart. Dwight: ...hollowed out. Inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and also, in instance I get bored, Harry Potter and also the Sorcerer"s Stone. No, Harry Potter and also the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the aircraft crash?

Michael: Ryan"s about to attend the Michael Scott School of Firm. I"m choose Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.

Read the episode recap for The Office The Fire


Jim: I"m really sorry yet I need to let you go. And it"s pucount budgetary, it"s not personal- Michael: AAAAAHHH!!! I"m going to kill myself! Jim: Wow. Michael: I"m going to kill myself and it"s your fault! Jim: That"s a normal reaction.

Jim: Honestly, I don"t think Michael has actually the slightest clue of that he"s going to fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone is going to volunteer...or be run over by a bus prior to the deadline. But in the finish really what"s going to occur is that it"s going to be the initially perkid that offers him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.

Dwight: So you acquired the fax. So why didn"t you add it to the resume? What execute you mean? Of course martial arts training is appropriate. Oh excusage me, I understand around a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I gain a small frustrated once I"m dealing with incompetence. Well, you understand what? You deserve to go to hell and also I will certainly check out you tbelow. Burning. Fine. Oh, wait, so you"ll let me know as soon as you"ve made a decision?

Pam: I"m guessing Angela"s the one in the community that gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes... pennies... walnuts.

Read the episode recap for The Office Halloween

The Fight

Dwight: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest male I ever before knew…World War II veteran. My father dealt with blood pressure and also excessive weight. Different kind of fight.

Pam: Michael has a tendency to procrastinate whenever before he hregarding perform job-related

Dwight: I must readjust my emergency contact information from Michael Scott. Ryan: Ok, to what? Dwight: Just put...The...Hospital. Contact number...simply put 911. Michael: He is such a sore loser.

Michael: Look. Dwight is a wuss. When we rented Armageddon, he cried at the finish of it.

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Dwight: Michael, I told you. That was because it was New Year"s Eve, and also it started to snow at specifically midnight.

Michael: I"ve beat up babsence belts. Jim: How"d you understand they were babsence belts? Michael: They told me. After.

Michael: Would I fairly be feared or loved? Um, simple. Both. I want world to be afrhelp of exactly how much they love me.

Oscar: Michael, can’t your conversation wait till Monday? Toby: We want to go home… Michael: Yeah, well you don’t even have actually anyone to go home to, Toby.

Read the episode recap for The Office The Fight

The Client

Jim: I was entirely joking anymethod. I expect, it"s not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiancee. Right?

Michael: You want to watch other people? Oh, just other world.

Jim: Jan didn’t come back for her automobile last night. Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has actually ultimately discovered his Catherine-Zeta?

Michael: A gentleman does not kiss and tell – and also neither carry out I.

Michael: First male says, "Well, I"m an astronaut, so I drive a Sarevolve." And the second male says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." And the third man says, "I gained you both beat. I"m a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe." Christian: Oh nohoho... Oh my god, that"s funny! I nearly had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!

Jim: So this possible client they"re talking about--actually a large deal. It"s Lackawanna county. Our totality county. And if we get this, they might not need to downsize our branch. And I might job-related below for years...and years...and also...years.