Don"t be fooled by me.
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Don"t be fooled by the face I wearfor I wear a mask, a thousand masks,masks that I"m afrhelp to take off,and also none of them is me.
Pretfinishing is an art that"s second nature through me,yet don"t be fooled,for God"s sake do not be fooled.I offer you the impression that I"m secure,that all is sunny and unruffled via me, within and also without,that confidence is my name and coolness my game,that the water"s calm and I"m in commandand also that I need no one,yet don"t think me.My surconfront might seem smooth but my surface is my mask,ever-varying and ever-concealing.Beneath lies no complacence.Beneath lies confusion, and also fear, and also aloneness.But I hide this. I don"t want anybody to recognize it.I panic at the believed of my weakness exposed.That"s why I frantically develop a mask to hide behind,a nonchalant innovative facade,to assist me pretend,to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is specifically my salvation, my only hope,and I know it.That is, if it"s adhered to by acceptance,if it"s followed by love.It"s the only point that can libeprice me from myself,from my own self-developed prichild wall surfaces,from the obstacles I so painstakingly erect.It"s the just point that will ascertain meof what I can not assure myself,that I"m really worth somepoint.But I do not tell you this. I don"t dare to, I"m afraid to.I"m afrhelp your glance will certainly not be complied with by acceptance,will certainly not be followed by love.I"m afraid you"ll think less of me,that you"ll laugh, and also your laugh would certainly kill me.I"m afraid that deep-dvery own I"m nothingand that you will certainly view this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretfinishing game,via a facade of assurance withoutand also a trembling boy within.So starts the glittering yet empty parade of masks,and my life becomes a front.I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.I tell you everything that"s really nothing,and also nopoint of what"s everything,of what"s crying within me.So once I"m going with my routineperform not be fooled by what I"m saying.Please listen very closely and attempt to hear what I"m not saying,what I"d favor to be able to say,what for survival I need to say,yet what I can not say.
I don"t choose hiding.I don"t favor playing superficial phony games.I desire to sheight playing them.I want to be real and also spontaneous and mehowever you"ve obtained to assist me.You"ve got to host out your handalso as soon as that"s the last point I seem to desire.Only you deserve to wipe away from my eyesthe blank stare of the breapoint dead.Only you deserve to speak to me right into aliveness.Each time you"re type, and gentle, and also encouraging,each time you try to understand bereason you really care,my heart begins to prosper wings--extremely small wings,exceptionally feeble wings,yet wings!
With your power to touch me into feelingyou deserve to breathe life right into me.I want you to understand that.I want you to understand exactly how necessary you are to me,exactly how you deserve to be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--of the perchild that is meif you choose to.You alone can break dvery own the wall behind which I tremble,you alone can remove my mask,you alone can release me from my shadow-civilization of panic,from my lonely prikid,if you pick to.Please select to.
Do not pass me by.It will certainly not be straightforward for you.A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong wall surfaces.The nearer you strategy to me the blinder I might strike back.It"s irrational, however despite what the publications say around manregularly I am irrational.I fight against the extremely point I cry out for.But I am told that love is stronger than solid wallsand also in this lies my hope.Please attempt to beat dvery own those wallswith firm hands yet via gentle handsfor a child is extremely sensitive.
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Who am I, you might wonder?I am someone you understand exceptionally well.For I am eincredibly male you meetand I am eextremely woguy you accomplish.