Redeeming Beauty: The Eye of the Beholder It’s Saturday night. A man shows up at his girlfriend’s residence to pick her up for a romantic night out. He is appropriate on time, but she is running a couple of minutes late and is still in jeans and also a T-shirt. “I can’t decide which dress to wear. Can you help me out? Wait ideal right here. I’ll be appropriate back.” Before he have the right to also answer, she disappears into the bedroom to adjust. Moments later she reemerges from the bedroom. “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Is this a loaded question? You bet it is. No matter how he answers it, he will automatically find himself trapped. How does this work? It has actually as a lot to do with the nature of the question as it does anything else. Like lawyers, womales are professionals at posing concerns that seem to have no ideal answer. What’s a man to do?

There’s an old joke. You can decide for yourself if it’s funny or not. It goes something like this: A womale comes into the room and also asks her husband also, that is watching tv, “Does this dress make me look fat?” The husband pasupplies for a minute, and also then he responds, “No, the dress is fine. It’s the pint of ice cream you eat eexceptionally night that makes you look fat.”

Not a great answer. Here are some other very wrong methods to answer the question, Does this dressmake me look fat?“I guess not. A few additional pounds look excellent on you.”“Fat? Contrasted to whom?”“Well, you’ve been fatter.”“I don’t know. What perform you think?”“It doesn’t matter to me.”


The male doesn’t even need to say anypoint to miss out on the note. Hesitating, stuttering, or pausing prior to answering is equally as tragic. And pretending not to hear the question isn’t any better: “I’m sorry, honey.Did you say something?”

Remember, beneath the question, Does this dress make me look fat? a woguy is really asking, Am I lovely? What she is searching for is a guy who will certainly execute 3 things:tell her the reality,face her shame,and also confirm her loveliness.

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Any womale who asks this question currently has actually a pretty excellent concept of the ideal answer, so if a man lies, she knows it. Does she look fat? On the surconfront, this is a yes or no question, and also this component of the question need to be addressed if the guy is to have actually integrity and also authenticity.

And though her butt may look as substantial as a Clydesdale pony’s, it’s her shame that the man is actually managing. The question of her heart is, Are you through me for how I look, or do you watch something else that keeps you here?

When she asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” among two points have the right to happen: Her shame will be exposed or it will certainly be diminished.

He can answer, “No, you look good, and I really choose the method the dress reflects off your ________ .” (Fill in what you really alert. The blank could be anypoint as lengthy as it’s hocolony. It can be eyes, skin tone, hair, or one more attractive body part.) Keep in mind that, even though he says she looks good, she might not prefer his answer. If she rejects it, her shame will be exposed, and she will certainly readjust dresses anymeans. If she accepts the answer, her self-contempt will be diminished, and also she will certainly be humbled — as lengthy as the guy is informing the fact.

This is where a guy can really bless a woman. This is the moment when he deserve to assist her prosper in maturity, wisdom, and also love. This is a minute as soon as he deserve to assist her view herself as God sees her. She asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” He answers, “No, and I really choose the method the dress reflects off your eyes. Do you want to know what I like even more than that?” . . . Dramatic pause . . . “How you are so generous through your friends. You treatment for them so well.” This would certainly surpclimb her. It would stop to her character. She would recognize that he really notices her.


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So he says, “Yes.” Tbelow is blessing to be offered right here also. “Yes, you perform look fat in that dress, and also I wonder if you already thought that. If you really desire my opinion, I choose the blue dress you wore last week.

You look great in that dress. But you know what I really watch when you ask me that?” . . . Dramatic pausage . . . “I see a woguy that hates her body, and also it breaks my heart for you. I wish you can check out yourself the way God sees you.” It takes an excellent deal of courage to carry out this. It also takes equal procedures of strength and tenderness. And any type of man that stops at a straightforward yes (or no for that matter) is not courageous but cruel.

Any guy who deserve to candidly tell a womale she looks fat via gentleness has actually credibility. He’s a guy that tells the reality. When a question is answered honestly and the woguy is shown for who she is by a male who cares for her deeply, it creates a feeling of protection and wholeness (also if it’s a solution she doesn’t like hearing). It creates a feeling of being known and also taken. When a male is committed to informing the truth, confronting shame, and also confirming the loveliness of character in a woman, he is doing the occupational of God. When he dodges the question, he is being a childish coward.

The hope is that the womale, regardless of just how she looks, can start to live even more deeply out of her identity in Christ. Her feeling of femininity is rooted in being loved, honored, valued, and also cherimelted by one more for who she is, not for exactly how she looks.


Womales are made to expose beauty. Men are made to check out it. This is exactly how beauty have the right to be redeemed. Men are made to delight in the beauty of a womale. But if males just look at the skin, they will certainly miss the depth of loveliness that a woguy hregarding offer. And if womales look to men for their interpretation, they will certainly constantly be disappointed. True beauty is about a woman’s character — around her story — and it constantly refers to what God has actually done in her.

Though men don’t define a woman’s loveliness (God does that), they do have the power to confirm it or tarnish it. So as soon as a woguy asks a guy, “Do I look fat in this dress?” what she is asking is for confirmation of that she is. Whatever the man’s answer, he should address her character, her nature, that she is in God’s photo, if his answer is to be truthful.

Here’s the Point The actual question behind Do I look fat? is, Am I lovely? Based on what we simply told you, below are 3 high-payoff points you can execute that will bmuch less the womale you love and also store you out of warm water.

Tell the truth. Didn’t your momma always say to tell the truth? And keep in mind that she currently knows the answer before she asks the question. She’s asking for confirmation fairly than information.Confront her shame. Your words lug incredible power, which is why you can’t answer the question through just a yes or a no.Confirm her loveliness. Remember the question really isn’t simply around the dress or her weight. There is somepoint bigger at play. But simply in instance you forget these three things, remember this: “We’ll Leave the Light on for You!” at Motel 6″.

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Adapted from Does this Dress Make Me Look Fat? by Stephen James and also David Thomas.